Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Superstitious Writings with Guest Blogger: Gail Koger

Win an ARC of I Hear Voices
a glass pendant and welcome author 
Gail Koger to the Book Boost!

She's here to chat about superstitions and here's what she had to say...

It was Friday the 13th but I wasn’t worried. I mean, everyone knows it’s a bunch of superstitious nonsense.  C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen? Fate, that sadistic bitch, laughed hysterically.

Still believing this was just another ordinary day I pulled into a 7-11 convenience market parking lot for a badly needed caffeine fix. There’s nothing scary about a 7-11, right? Did I mention this particular 7-11 was in a seedy part of town? One look at the graffiti decorating the walls and sidewalks should have discouraged me. But, oh no, I needed my fix.

The second I stepped out of my car, a scrawny dude wearing a long black trench coat and carrying a really big stick sprinted towards me. OMG! I’m gonna die. My heart pounding, I scurried inside and smiled at the nice armed security guard. This was my second clue that I hadn’t stopped at a “normal” store.

I headed for the coolers and realized the scrawny dude had followed me. Practically glued to my back side, he gushed, “I just love your fingernail polish.”

Say what?  I gave him a polite smile and power walked to the cash register. Unfortunately, he was still glued to my backside.  “Seriously dude, you’re invading my space.”

His response? “Where did you get that fabulous polish?” 

Was this some kind of cosmic joke? “Uh, at JC Penney’s. Why?”

He giggled insanely. “Oh, I just have to get me some.”

“Okay, bye-bye.” I ran out to my car and locked the doors. Whoa! Talk about freaky weird.

A block down the street my tire warning light suddenly popped on. Thump. Thump. Thump. I pulled into the only remaining full service gas station left in area and yep. It’s flat and is that a spoon sticking out of my tire? The attendant nods.  “Yes ma’am. That’s a spoon.” What are the odds of that happening?

Should I risk a trip to the supermarket?  I was out of chocolate and nothing stood between me and my chocolate. Not even a few freaky coincidences.

I walked confidently into the store, got my shopping cart and strolled down the aisles. I checked my shopping list and reached for a quart of low fat milk. There was an ominous snapping noise as the front clasp on my bra broke and out popped the girls. Did I mention I’m well endowed? Too well endowed to ever go braless, plus my girls were starting to migrate south.  Not a pretty sight.

Okay, the stock boy ogling my chest didn’t seem to be traumatized in the least. In fact he was downright enjoying the show. I shoved the cart at him, clamped my purse over the girls and fled the store.  I might not be a superstitious coward but I knew when to wave the white flag. Fate had won.

Unfortunately all these wonderful things actually happened to me. I've added some of my more interesting moments into my stories. Which is why I write paranormal romances and science fiction romance. My life can be out there.

A Note from the Book Boost:  What a riot!  Makes you not want to leave the house sometimes.  But I'll bet these make for fabulous scenes in your books.  Thanks for sharing, Gail.  Wonder if that fella ever got him some polish, eh?  Please tell us more about your latest.


After being laid off from her psychic gig, Zelda Dragos decides finding Montezuma’s lost treasure has to be easier than prying a check out of the state’s unemployment office. The fly in the ointment is the tenacious Derek Sloan, an Indiana Jones type, who wants the gold for himself.

The first clue in the treasure hunt is an Aztec amulet on display at the Phoenix Art Museum. All Zelda needs to do is “borrow” it for a bit. Unfortunately, Derek has the identical plan. With the help of a holographic diversion featuring the Rock as Montezuma, Zelda zaps him with a stun gun and walks off with the Amulet.

Zelda uses all of her tricks to discourage Derek’s relentless pursuit; a smoke bomb, mace, a hive of angry bees and getting him arrested. Out of options, Zelda finds herself stuck with a partner who thinks she needs a keeper and he’s just the man for the job.

To find the treasure all they have to deal with is an angry Apache Thunder God, Asmoday, the demon king of the Ninth Hell, eight thousand vengeful Aztec spirits and a mummified Aztec warrior. Adding to the mess is Zelda’s evil Aunt Sophie and Uncle Dante who wants the treasure for themselves. Dante’s lethal goons are hot on their trail. Derek and Zelda soon discover love blooms in the weirdest places.

Excerpt (edited for length):

I hear voices and see dead people. No, I’m not nuts. I’m psychic. It’s a family thing. I worked for a psychic hotline called Picas Moon. My specialty was Tarot Card readings. For only $3.99 a minute, you got to chat with me, a real live, genuine, authentic, certified psychic. I even had a nice little certificate hanging on the wall of my cubicle that stated that fact. Want to know the future, need to connect with the spirit world or find the love of your life? Give me your Visa or Master Card numbers and I was yours for as long as you needed me or until your money ran out. It was a nice gig.

Until Madam Celeste called me into her office on Christmas Eve and instead of getting that nice bonus check I was expecting, I was laid off. Me? I was the only genuine psychic she had. The rest were delusional quacks, flat out liars and phony, no talent hacks. Okay, the delusional quacks were Madam Celeste’s daughters, and of course, they kept their jobs. Family is family no matter how incredibly awful their advice was. I foresaw a lawsuit in their immediate future.

Since I’m an authentic psychic I should have seen it coming, right? It doesn’t work that way. I can’t predict my future. My life is basically a crap shoot just like everyone else’s and sometimes you roll snake eyes.

On Christmas morning, I got hit with more bad news. My Aunt Sophie, another authentic psychic, had tracked me down and offered me my old job back. The one where I did séances that scammed grieving relatives out of their hard earned money. I hated every minute of it.

The only reason I stayed as long as I did was to protect my grandmother from Uncle Dante, the devil incarnate, who locked her in the basement and threatened to kill her if I didn’t do the séances. But it was Aunt Sophie, his older sister that scared the piss out of me. She dabbled in the black arts and was known to have summoned a demon or two. When Granny Annabel died, I made my escape and never looked back.

What was Aunt Sophie’s ultimatum? If I wasn’t back at the family compound in Seattle by New Year’s Day, she would turn my life into a living hell. She could and she did. My family members are not the nicest people in the world. In fact, most of them are scam artists, thieves or worse.

After Aunt Sophie put the word out, finding another psychic gig was nigh-on impossible. Because of the sucky economy, I couldn’t even get a job at a local burger joint. Trying to get the State of Arizona to fork over unemployment benefits was even harder. The minute I mentioned I was a psychic it was over.

Out of desperation to prove to the clerk that I really was a genuine psychic I blurted out, “Your boyfriend, Mark, is cheating on you with your best friend, Martha.” The poor thing burst into tears and fled her window. The nice security guard escorted me to a tiny waiting room and promised a supervisor would speak to me shortly. Was that shorthand for the police were coming? I hoped not.

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Contest Time:

Answer the three questions below correctly and you are entered to win an advance copy of I Hear Voices, second place winner will receive a fired glass pendant.  Send your answers to:
  • What tricks does Zelda use to discourage Derek? (Hint:  Click here.)
  •  Who is Freddy Crystal? (Hint:  Click here.)
  • What did Granny Annabel warn Zelda about?  (Hint:  Click here.)

1 comment:

Debby said...

My poor niece was married on Friday the thirteenth. It was a disaster. The dresses were not ready, the best man passed out during the ceremony, they ran out of food and then they were divorced 6 months later I tend to believe in fate.
debby236 at gmail dot com